Looking For Happiness Is Wrong

We all believe it to be true that one of the core goals of life is to be happy. But, I find this sentence reductive: too simple to sum up the complexity and beauty of a life well-lived.

Recently, I started journalling, and I am finding the process of writing very liberating. It allows your thoughts to find a space to exist outside the confines of your head, and it helps you see them from different perspectives.

Lately, I have been writing about happiness. This is a common theme that comes up in my coaching sessions: How can I be happy? What can I change?

Even though the question comes from the right place, the question itself is flawed. Why, you ask?

Here are some thoughts:

1. Happiness is a feeling, not a goal

What is the goal of happiness? Do you want to be happy by travelling the world? Having more agency in your work? Getting that promotion you have been passed over for several times?

Happiness is a feeling. You feel happy. And, if you are looking for happiness, then it holds true that you can also look for sadness, anger, or peace. Happiness is not a goal—we do not look for happiness itself, but rather we look for what brings us happiness. That is what makes it unique for each of us.

As far as I am concerned, my goal is to help others. This makes me happy!

2. Happiness does not exist in isolation

Just as in music, you need different notes to make a song beautiful. Happiness exists thanks to our ability to experience and feel sadness. If we were happy all the time, that would simply become our new baseline, rendering the feeling completely meaningless.

The concept of Yin and Yang is compelling to us because it teaches us that two opposite things are required in order to appreciate either.

Instead, be happy for feeling happy. And be happy for feeling sad; without it, you would not feel anything.

3. Happiness is a butterfly 

Butterflies live for a very short time. They are beautiful, colourful creatures that nature has optimised to exist for a week or two before starting the cycle of life all over again.

If you look for happiness and you get it, you will be disappointed, because happiness does not last long.

What made us happy yesterday will instead feel like a notch on our belt. I hear this so many times: I got the promotion, but then I went back to being disappointed. I finished that job, and I immediately started looking for the next big thing.

Let’s appreciate the fleeting nature of happiness. It is a rare moment in our lives where we feel whole, fulfilled, and satisfied. But then, like a butterfly, we return to the cycle of nature. And that is what makes it beautiful.

Thanks for reading. I hope I gave you some new perspectives today.

If you want to have a chat about what goals would make you feel happy, let me know. I would love to help you achieve them.

The Looking For Happiness Horoscope

♈ Aries: Go break a sweat doing something entirely new. You are wired for action, so find a physical outlet that challenges you. Whether it is a quick run or dancing in your living room, moving your body will bring you instant joy.

♉ Taurus: Curate a slow and comforting sensory experience. You find your grounding in the physical world and appreciate the finer things. Try cooking a meal from scratch with fresh ingredients or taking a long walk through a botanical garden to indulge your senses.

♊ Gemini: Dive down a fascinating internet rabbit hole. Your mind is constantly hungry, and you feel happiest when your curiosity is being fed. Pick a random topic you know nothing about, learn everything you can, and then share it with a friend.

♋ Cancer: Build a cozy and impenetrable sanctuary. You are the nurturer of the zodiac, but you need to direct that energy inward. Cancel your evening plans, put on your most comfortable clothes, and create a relaxing space on your couch to find profound peace.

♌ Leo: Create something unapologetically just for fun. You have a bright and playful spirit that thrives on expression. Do something creative where the outcome does not matter at all, like singing loud karaoke or putting together a fabulous outfit.

♍ Virgo: Tackle a small and highly satisfying organizational project. You find deep satisfaction in bringing order to chaos. Organize your digital photos or clean out a chaotic kitchen drawer. The feeling of completion will be your butterfly today.

♎ Libra: Bring a touch of unexpected beauty into your environment. You are deeply affected by your surroundings and thrive on aesthetics. Buy yourself a bouquet of fresh flowers or rearrange your desk so it looks perfect. Harmony instantly elevates your mood.

♏ Scorpio: Lose yourself in a gripping mystery or a deep conversation. Superficiality drains your energy, and you need to feel intensely engaged to be happy. Pick up a psychological thriller or invite a close friend over for a deeply honest chat.

♐ Sagittarius: Plan a spontaneous and exciting adventure. You are the ultimate explorer, and routine kills your joy. You do not need to book a flight to feel happy today. Just drive to a new neighborhood or try a cuisine you have never eaten.

♑ Capricorn: Set a tangible goal and completely crush it. You derive happiness from competence and clear progress. Write down three achievable tasks for the day, physically cross them off your list, and enjoy the rush of a job well done.

♒ Aquarius: Engage with a niche community or an eccentric hobby. You walk to the beat of your own drum and love the unconventional. Spend time on a forum dedicated to your most obscure interest or volunteer for a cause you deeply care about.

♓ Pisces: Let yourself daydream without a single ounce of guilt. You are deeply intuitive, but the harsh realities of the world can weigh you down. Run a hot bath, sit by a lake, and give your brain permission to completely check out for a while.