The Xmas Exit Strategy - Autism Edition (and a confession)

If you are reading this, you might be stealing a quiet moment away from the relatives’ storm. If you are hunting for a moment of peace, I’m right there with you.

We are often told that Christmas is about "connection." But for an autistic brain (and many with ADHD), the holidays are often an Olympic sport in sensory endurance and social performance.

Valtellina with its vineyard climbing up the mountain.

(And since the Winter Olympics are actually being held in my home area of Valtellina soon, I feel like I'm already in training!)

While the world sees lights, scents, music, and hugs, here is what is happening inside my neurodivergent brain:

1. The Sensory Overload is Real

The smell of cooking, the clinking of cutlery on plates, the overlapping chatter of three different conversations, screaming children, and the flashing tree lights—it’s not just "background noise."

For us, it’s data inputs. And our brains are trying to process all of it, at equal volume, at the same time. By 2:00 PM, many of us aren't just tired; we are in physical pain.

2. The Social Performance

In business, meetings have agendas. In coaching, we have frameworks.

At a family Christmas party, there are no agendas. It is hours of unstructured small talk, navigating unwritten family dynamics, and detecting sarcasm (which we struggle with!).

To survive, we mask. We smile, we nod, we make eye contact. We try to perform "normal." But inside, we often feel like aliens sent to earth to observe a world we know little about.

The "Exit Strategy" (and a confession)

This is actually why I struggle to quit smoking: I need a moment by myself.

I am not advocating for people to start this filthy habit! But I’ve realized that for me, it is a socially acceptable excuse to step outside and recover from the messiness inside. I highly recommend each of you find your own "exit strategy" (preferably a healthier one!) to reclaim a moment of silence.

A Note to My Fellow Neurospicy Minds:

If you find yourself shutting down today, or if you feel the urge to retreat to a quiet room, please do it.

• You are not being rude; you are regulating.

• Wearing noise-canceling headphones at the dinner table is a valid accommodation (as long as the music is great!).

• Leaving early is better than staying and melting down—or banging your head against the eggnog.

  
  

Why this matters for your career

I’m sharing this because this dynamic doesn't just happen on December 25th.

This same "Sensory & Social Tax" is levied on neurodivergent employees every time there is a chaotic open-plan office, a vague "team building" day, or an unstructured networking event.

We need to talk about how to manage this energy—not just at home, but at work. (Though work usually comes with less food and presents, unfortunately 😃).

🔮 The Neuro-Inclusive Holiday Survival Horoscope 

Find your sign, find your exit strategy.

♈ Aries: The "Phantom Notification." Look at your phone in shock, gasp, and run outside. (Nobody asks questions if you look panic-stricken). 

♉ Taurus: The "Food Coma Defense." Sit in the corner, close your eyes, and rub your belly. If people talk to you, just whisper "The cheese..." 

♊ Gemini: The "Irish Goodbye." Slowly back into a room with fewer people, then a room with no people, then out the door. No goodbyes. 

♋ Cancer: The "Dog Walker." The family dog is overwhelmed too. Be their hero. Stay outside for 45 minutes. 

♌ Leo: The "Backstage Prep." Announce you need to "freshen up." Lock the bathroom door and scroll TikTok for 20 mins. 

♍ Virgo: The "Dishwasher Deputy." Aggressively start washing dishes. Nobody bothers the person who is cleaning. 

♎ Libra: The "Supply Run." Notice the family is low on ice. Volunteer to drive to the store. Take the long route. 

♏ Scorpio: The "Migraine Shield." Wear sunglasses indoors. It creates a physical barrier, and people will whisper around you. 

♐ Sagittarius: The "Perimeter Check." Claim you need to check if it’s snowing/raining/the car is locked. Go outside. Breathe. 

♑ Capricorn: The "Q4 Crisis." Open your laptop. Furrow your brow. Look busy. People are terrified of interrupting "work." 

♒ Aquarius: The "Tech Support." Find the relative struggling with their new phone. Fix it. It avoids small talk and you look like a hero. 

♓ Pisces: The "Coat Burrow." Find the spare bed with the pile of coats. Crawl under them. If found, pretend to be asleep.